Too Far

What happened last night was sick. The reaction on Twitter was even sicker. Ed Woodward’s Cheshire home was targeted by between twenty and thirty Manchester United ‘fans’, who lit flares and let them off in the direction of the home. Luckily, no one was home. Despite what you think of the job he is doing as executive vice-chairman of United, and he is doing a woeful one, it is beyond malicious and evil to attack his home in such a way.
Woodward is married with two young daughters. Twins. What might have happened if he or his wife were home and opened the door to see the commotion and received a flare into the face or into their home where it could have caused more damage? Would those fans have been happy if Woodward or his loved ones received physical harm or life-changing injuries? Unfortunately, probably.

Recently, at Old Trafford, chants have been sung around the ground calling for the Glazers and Woodward to be put into a burning bonfire. The snapchat video that the perpetrators stupidly uploaded had the caption, ‘Ed Woodwards gonna die.’ While it is perfectly fine to be riled up and sing chants about the demise of the succubus of a once great club, to actually go to his home and try and spread terror and cause harm is beyond the pale.

Manchester United released a statement condemning the attack along with a host of sports journalists. The sick reaction came from United ‘fan’ accounts run by xenophobes, bigots and guys looking for reactions. All of us United fans know who these accounts are so I don’t need to name names but I have reported several accounts and will do more later. They have lamented the fact that no actual harm came to Woodward and his family. These fans from far corners of the world and dark corners of the web, along with those thugs from Manchester, will never be true fans of the club. If they think it is bad now, what would they have done when City relegated us in 1973? When a former Manchester United hero scored the winning goal with a backheel? They wouldn’t have done anything because they wouldn’t be fans of a club in the bottom half of the table.

If United continue to fall, which I don’t think will happen, these fans will be gone. Hopefully, though, they will be found by the club and the authorities and banned for life. They took the stance against our vile owners too far. Now the sympathy is in their court instead of the suffering fans. Thanks for that.

United not on Target

The only thing you absolutely need to know from last night’s game is that Manchester United manages zero shots on target from a possible 12. A dire stat to take away from a mediocre game of football. Despite patches of link-up and individual brilliance from Mason Greenwood, Brandon Williams and Tahith Chong towards the end of the first half, United were on the back foot for most of the game. Indeed, if Doherty hadn’t fluffed his clear header and Raul Jimenez had struck the ball an inch to the left then United would be put out of their misery. Wolves will have to travel to Old Trafford for the replay, something they won’t relish despite being the better team. Which team of Ole’s will show up? The confident, almost cocky attacking wave?; the unsure youthful squad that look like conceding at any minute?; or the team that showed up last night, full of indecision and a lack of quality in the final third?

I am a staunch supporter of Ole Gunnar Solskjaer. He should be afforded the time allotted to the previous two managers. He comes in for unfair criticisms from pundits and tweeters alike (Robiv Van Persie). He is giving youth a chance and selecting a team each week that are United through and through. There are mistakes being made by players and an indecision in attack that can be frustrating for us fans but there are chinks of light in the darkness.
Here are some talking points from the goalless draw.

Romero up for the game

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Romero in control

A pinpoint save to stop an almost certain goal has solidified Romero’s position as the best back-up goalkeeper in the world. This begs the question: Would De Gea have saved that shot? And should Romero get a chance at the first spot?

Williams should start

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Williams gives chase

Watching Williams tear down the wing in search of a ball that should have but never came was frustrating to watch. However, it was indicative of the lack of service United have received from left back in the years since Shaw’s injuries. Shaw offers more of a defensive quality and Williams needs to stop sliding in the box. However, if Romero and Williams start against Man City in the league cup on Tuesday it will show progress on Ole’s part.

Who’s in the box?

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Chong beats his man before being taken down

Ashley Young, of all people, was putting searching and stellar crosses into the box last night. Daniel James arrived late for one and nobody was to be seen. Greenwood seemed to be coming out to the right to collect the ball and leaving the box empty. While he and Chong linked up well on the byline he should leave the winger do his job and make life difficult for defenders in the box.

Another clear penalty!

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Wolves fan Paul Tierney

Another game and another clear penalty not awarded. Williams does well to recover and get in front of a clumsy Dedoncker only to be tripped up right in front of the ref. Again, if that was anywhere else on the pitch it is given as a foul. I thought the ref had a good game to be fair but that was a glaring mistake. The less said about the VAR decision as well, the better.

Doherty wasteful

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Doherty goal ruled out

United got away scot free last night. A brilliant save, Doherty bottling a free header amid woeful defending and Jimenez rattling the frame of the goal at an almost impossible angle meant that the Red Devils live to see another day. How was the Irish international afforeded a free header so close to goal at such a crucial stage in the match? The defence is vulnerable in these situations.

Rashford should have scored

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Impact sub Marcus Rahford

There’s no way around it; Rashford should have put that chance away. Ole he former super-sub has shown his knack for picking substitutes that may pay off. Pereira nearly scored against Arsenal the other day and Rashford hit the post with the help of a deflection. He really should have hit it straight away.

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Man of the Match

I could be extremely picky and mention Greenwood and Dalot being wasteful with the ball and the fact that once again Harry Maguire was muscled off the ball in the middle of the park but a clean sheet and a draw at the Molineux, a stadium where we have not been so lucky in recent times, can’t draw too much criticism. Obviously, Twitter was on fire with calls for Ole’s head and a new manager but once again, the problem is the Glazers and Woodward. The players mightn’t be the best but they are what we have at the moment. All eyes on Tuesday night at the Theatre of Dreams. GGMU.

New Year, Same Red Devils

Arsenal celebrate in front of dejected Fred, Matic and Maguire

It pains me to begin my new coverage of Manchester United with a demoralizing loss to Arsenal. A team on a woeful run and an uncertain start under a new manager proved far superior to Ole’s charges. This is something that I think should precede any points I talk about here. As bad as United were yesterday evening, Arsenal were unreal. They were fluid, solid and not one player turned in a bad performance. They looked like the team that came so close to winning the title in 2016. Though there are multiple issues with the current United squad, it would be unfair to discredit Arsenal’s performance.

Let’s have a look at some of the talking points of the game 👇

The Curious Case of Luke Shaw

Pepe leading Shaw on a merry dance

This might deserve its own blog post. Luke Shaw was run ragged by Pepe in the first half, almost giving away a penalty by diving wildly in the box. If he made any slight contact with the winger’s legs it would’ve been a clear call. He didn’t keep track of Pepe for the opening goal. He gave away the ball needlessly in the second half which almost led to another goal. Brandon Williams was sat on the bench for the entire game. It’s hard to imagine any reasoning for Solskjaer to prefer the lateral passing and lazy running compared to Williams’ forward thinking and aggressive nature.

Fred and Martial – dangerous duo

Fred worked his socks off

With Rashford subdued for most of the match it was left to Tony Martial to lead the line. That he did. He drove deep into the heart of Arsenal’s defense, somehow keeping the ball at his feet and almost scoring and creating chances nearly every time he got a sniff. He has stepped up big time in recent games amid criticism from pundits and tweeters alike. He can be proud of his performance last night.

The other United player that can be proud of his performance is the diminutive Brazilian, Fred. He is having an impressive season so far and has been United’s most consistent player over the last few months. He was battered and bruised last night and got on with, not looking for frees but looking for the next pass. A fully fit McTominay alongside Fred would be the start of something consistent and solid in my opinion.

Sub almost paid off!

Another anonymous performance from the Brazilian

Andreas Pereira, often cut down for his unfulfilled potential, almost turned the match upside down just a few minutes after coming on. His blistering shot hit the side netting and for a brief, agonizing second the ripple of the net fooled us all. If that went in I’m not sure the Gunners could have held on to the lead. Ifs and buts. Pereira was anonymous for the rest of the match, mind.

Arteta’s philosophy

Arteta and a rejuvenated Ozil

Just to reiterate, Arsenal were quality. I don’t like saying it and I don’t like seeing it, but here we are. They harassed and harried, pushed and pushed and splayed the ball from side to side with ease. When even David Luiz is threading passes through the lines you know you’re in trouble. Arteta may look like an exotic dancer ready to attack the dance floor with his furrowed brow but the man knows football. It’s just a shame it all clicked when they played United.

This does not take away from the fact that many United players looked like they didn’t want to be there. Perhaps the amount of games in such a short space of time has caught up with them, but there is an uncertainty rooted in the team that seems hard to displace. Ole places his trust in age and experience rather than trying out the youngsters in tough games such as these. However, when your experienced players like Shaw and Lindelof cost you goals, that’s when it’s time to pick Brandon Williams and Axel Tuanzebe, especially before the latter decides he needs regular first team football somewhere else.

Clear Penalty

Arsenal fan Christopher Kavanagh

Aaron Wan-Bissaka was denied a penalty at a crucial point during the match. Granted, he looked like he went down a bit easily in the slo-mo replay but Aubameyang’s leg cuts across his path and makes clear contact. I thought that referee Christopher Kavanagh was allowing some tackles that were borderline fouls in the spirit of letting the game flow. The penalty incident would have been a foul anywhere else on the pitch so I struggle to understand his reasoning in not awarding the free. Also, if he deemed it a dive then Wan-Bissaka should have been booked. The mind boggles.


Matic and Fred chase down Lacazette

Not trying to be funny, but United kept up their recent form of underperforming against a team in the bottom half of the table. The inconsistency is rage-inducing. The lack of desire in some players is infuriating. The ineptitude at the back, including kick outs, created doubt in the rest of the team. It’s United v Wolves away in the F.A. Cup this Saturday and I’d be lying to you if I said I was in anyway confident. Wolves have this United team sussed and unfortunately, United don’t have anyone sussed. Another opportunity to come closer to the top four missed and more questions about the talent raised. Is this a sign of things to get worse this year? What do you think? Let me know in the comments below or online 👍

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Hashtag Pogbout

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Jesse Lingard, Paul Pogba and Angel Gomes

Paul Labile Pogba looks set to leave Manchester United for the second time. His second spell at the club was almost as underwhelming as his first. This time, at least, he featured in the majority of the games played across all competitions. This time, however, he under-performed in most. I can only remember a handful of standout moments for the creative midfielder in his three years at the club; his stunning header against Leicester in the 4-1 rout at Old Trafford; his rising half volley against Swansea; and his pin-point pass against Tottenham in the F.A. Cup earlier this year. There were many more moments where he rose above the other members of the squad, which his stats speak for, but the 80 million price tag deserved more. The fans deserved more. And we didn’t get what we deserved.

I do believe that Pogba has gotten his unfair share of criticism over the course of the season. Each player was ripped apart week after week on Twitter but Pogba was targeted for horrendous abuse. His demeanour on the pitch didn’t help his case and his alleged involvement in the sacking of Mourinho didn’t go down too well with some of the Mourinho diehards on social media. He didn’t deserve all of the abuse he was getting and one could be forgiven for feeling sympathy for him. However, the feelings of good will have well and truly dried up.

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Ed Woodward and Avram Glazer

I was one of those that despaired while watching him play but also realised that he was not the only one at fault. He was constantly creating chances and spreading the play, but with Lukaku and Rashford unable to hit a barn door between them, Alexis and Lingard unable to keep the ball between them and a defense and goalkeeper leaking goals, it was never going to be enough. Last season we needed a Roy Keane or a Brian Robson to defend, attack, score and lead all at once. It is clear that Pogba is not that type of player, at least not for United.
I was happy enough a few weeks ago for Pogba to stay. Ole knows he’s a fantastic player and it would make footballing sense to build a team around him. That will never happen with snakes and clowns running the club but a man can dream. After hearing the star’s comments in Tokyo and his agent compounding the message yesterday, it is time for Pogba to get out.

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Pogba and Ole Gunnar Solskjaer

No amount of star power and talent can rise above the name Manchester United. Pogba and his cancerous agent can’t disrespect one of the greatest clubs in the history of football. It is a sign of the post-Ferguson times that there have been numerous players, former players and former managers badmouthing the club while in and out of contract. Lukaku and Pogba have expressed desire to leave the club in the past few months. Both have underperformed and underwhelmed in the past year and both are probably going to get big paydays in the near future. Di Maria and Falcao massively underperformed while with United under the tutelage of Van Gaal. Di Maria has badmouthed the club in public. Falcao criticised Van Gaal on the pitch. Van Gaal has badmouthed the club to the press.
I think we all know that this is down to the Glazer’s ownership and Ed Woodward’s transfers. It is also down to the poor performance of the squad. While I don’t think that the fans should despair over a few poor seasons I know that Twitter will go into meltdown if this season pans out like last season. The ideal outcome would be that the Glazers will sell and get their poisonous ilk out of the club. The only realistic solution to Pogba’s arrogance and disrespect is for him to leave the club. The only realistic outcome will be that as the tweet I saw earlier said, the transfer will be drawn out until it is too late to source an actual replacement for a midfielder that promised so much yet delivered so little.

I for one am really looking forward to signing Pogba again in 2024 after he has won the Champions League with Real Madrid for the third time.

Another Exciting Summer in Manchester

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It’s been a long time since I’ve written anything about Manchester United. Laziness, lack of confidence and lack of material are some excuses I could use. The fact of the matter is, when the club is in the turmoil that it is in it’s tough to write anything without sounding pessimistic and defeatist. When the club you’ve loved for as long as you can remember seems to be going down a dark path from which it will be tough to return it is not easy to write match reports and reviews on news and gossip. I mean, in all honesty the club is too far down the dark path and it will take years of patience and rebuilding to get to where Manchester United should rightly be, but maybe that’s not the worst thing in the world. Anyways, I’ll be writing more about United and hopefully this season will be better than last season at least. Even if United are in a tough spot and we, the fans, are having a hard time feeling sympathetic for seemingly uninterested players and a board that is leeching money from the club, the prospect of a quiet summer concerning Manchester United will always be a foreign concept.

Timely Transfers

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With the announcement of Wan-Bissaka extremely close amid leaked pictures of the star and his management team signing his contract, and the announcement of Daniel James from Swansea a few weeks ago, it seems that Ole and the team are moving in the right direction.
However, the fact that not one player has been sold and the surfacing of articles and videos featuring United stars Pogba and Lukaku admitting they want to play elsewhere and face ‘new challenges’, is extremely negative.
I think we can all appreciate that in the modern footballing world and especially concerning Manchester United, transfers are no longer cut and dry. Agents will look for more money from bigger clubs, as will the selling club, especially if they know United have the money. Sometimes players will flirt with United to get a bigger deal at their preferred club, which really pisses me off when I see it happen. I’m going off on a tangent here, but United’s transfer policy over the last six years, if not ten years, has been dreadful.
I must admit that these transfers of young players, James from Wales and Wan-Bissaka from England, bode well for the direction of the club. While Pogba and Lukaku may be petulant and under-performing, the club needs experienced players to help the new young lads through, and I’m not talking about Ashley Young giving Bissaka training tips on how to play right back.
With Bruno Fernandes poised to join Liverpool one day and us the next, and another truckload of midfielder’s names now dumped onto the bag carousel that is United’s summer transfer list, who will be signed and will anyone leave? Will these timely transfers be enough to boost United and keep Ole in the job?

Insolent Influencers

It’s been an interesting few months so far as followers of Lingard, Rashford, Pogba and Lukaku. The former pair, on holiday together before pre season, posted videos on IG messing around, chanting ‘Beans, beans, beans’, and commenting on the state of their hotel rooms. I personally don’t see anything wrong with this and find the reactions of a lot of United fans disturbing and bordering on highly irrational. I also don’t hold any umbridge with Pogba posting videos of himself and his brothers dancing in their room, or Lukaku posting videos of him dunking on his friends who are too afraid to properly defend against him on the court. While Lingard annoys the shit out of me and Rahford frustrates me on the pitch, the two lads are only having a bit of craic and enjoying themselves. Pogba and Lukaku on the other hand have publicly flirted with other clubs and said on video that they more or less would like to leave. I have lost all respect for the two of them and while that doesn’t mean a thing to them, it shows that they don’t care about the fans.

When was the last time that you heard a player from Liverpool, Man. City or Tottenham publicly state that they would like to play in a different country or face new challenges? Nothing in recent memory, and if they ever do they still hold utmost respect to the club and the fans. Pogba and Lukaku, two main names in the United set up, don’t give a toss about the fans. In fairness to Pogba, he does get dog’s abuse even though he is United’s best player, but to go on t.v., in a promotion for Adidas, nonetheless, and say you need a new challenge when you’ve done sweet feck all is laughable.
The players don’t help their cause with their insolence and the fans don’t paint themselves in a great light when they comment horrible abuse on said player’s pages, but it’s all indicative of the ownership of the club and the way it is being run.


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The biggest news story coming out of United over the summer has been kept quiet by the club itself. The hashtag started a few weeks ago on Twitter and picked up speed straight away. Every tweet from United accounts and fans I follow has #glazersout afterwards, a testament to the fact that United fans are not happy with the current state of the club. The debt the Glazer’s have given the club and the money that they have taken out is staggering when compared to the money that the owners of other clubs have put in their respective clubs.
It is a fantastic movement that has already caused the stock price of the club to fall. It became highly popular again when one of the club’s owners, Darcie Glazer, took out a loan with shares of the club as collateral. Now, I don’t claim to know anything about finances but from what I read and understand, we shouldn’t be getting as riled up about this as we are. Those shares are hers and it’s like she’s putting her house as collateral for the loan. If she fails to repay the loan the shares are taken off her. However, I understand the anger and rage that formed when United fans heard about this. It is similar to seeing videos of players dancing and laughing when the fans that pay money to wear their names on their backs, go to see them in games and pay to watch them in person and on t.v. are sitting at home in despair at the state of the club. It shows disrespect in a time of great sensitivity in the club.
I don’t understand how the P.R. reps of the club and certain players aren’t taking measures to ensure that players and owners don’t do things that paint themselves in an even worse light.
“Hang on there, Jesse, maybe leave the dancing off until pre-season starts, O.K.? And Darcie, maybe put something else as collateral for the loan until there’s a better public feeling about the Glazers. Cheers, boss, nice one.” Maybe I could get a job doing that. C.S.O. Dalton. Common Sense Officer.

In all seriousness though, the movement is important and even if nothing comes of it, at least the Glazers and Woodward know that the fans aren’t stupid. Two signings and removal of deadwood in the club isn’t enough; we want them gone for good.

Watfords’s Title Hopes Suffer Setback

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Domestic football is back after two weeks of the Nation’s League/United Nation’s/Legion of Doom group games. This new format will be a blight on our intake of Premier League action this year but at least United’s players might actually play well for their country! I joke, I joke.
Mourinho has always been a master of using his press conference’s and post-match interviews to draw the attention away from a poor performance. He did so yesterday, going on several rants about the media and Rashford’s playtime. He has been under a lot of criticism and pressure lately due to Pogba talking to the media. If a player spoke to the media like that in Fergie’s time he would have surely been shown the door. Nevertheless, the game has changed and the rest of the players seem to be not openly disrespectful.

Today’s game against Watford was an important one. United had to build on the impressive 2-0 away win against Burnley before the break. There was no Rashford this week due to his red card in the previous match, so it looked like Martial would get a chance to impress as a substitute. Pogba played supremely for France against Germany and United fans were wondering why he couldn’t do the same for them? Calibre of player? Desire? Relationship with the manager? All three, probably.

The match started off in promising fashion with Lukaku coming close only to be stopped by former United keeper, Ben Foster. Quickly, though, the first half turned into a Watford special. They constantly threatened the back four. Smalling and Lindelof held true but the threat remained everpresent in the first thirty five minutes.
The match was turned on its head when Lukaku used his stomach to push the ball into an empty net from a delflected Ashley Young cross. Two minutes later, Big Mike Smalling scored a peach of a volley from close range. His haircut might be suspect but his finishing was not.
All in all, United could be happy with the first half, successfully defending and scoring alike. Mourinho looked jubilant when Smalling’s goal went in which is always nice to see.

The second half started the same way as the first, with Watford quickly settling in and getting a hold on the game. This time they didn’t let go. Their constant pressure culminated with a fine Gray goal in the 65th minute. Others would have followed but for the fine performance of Fellaini on the edge of the box clearing wayward crosses. Young played well on the left.
Pogba had a much freer role in the first half which allowed him to play his flowing style of football. Watford pressed higher in the second half and, especially after they scored their goal, upped the pressure for the full forty-five, meaning Pogba wasn’t allowed as much time on the ball. As well as this, his teammates weren’t showing for him as much as they should.
Martial came on with twenty minutes to go and made little impact bar a close chance.

Watford came dangerously close in the 93rd minute, DeGea repeating his first half heroics with an absolutely brilliant save from a close-range header. He really is United’s best and most consistent player. He’s also in my fantasy team, so thank fuck for that.
United were lucky to come away with the three points but that’s two wins on the trot. Hopefully the performance will be better in the Champions League opener against Young Boys this week.

Top Three Performers

De Gea: Many impressive saves as usual but the two close-range stops, one from the ground and one from a header in the last minute show us once again how valuable De Gea is to the club.

Fellaini: Two good games in a row for Sideshow Bob. In all seriousness, he made some extremely important tackles and assisted the second goal. Fair play.

Young: The absence of Luke Shaw worried a lot of United fans, for the right reasons. Young played well today in his defensive capabilities, crossing in the ball for Lukaku’s goal also.

Honorary Mentions: Lukaku had a good game up front, bagging another goal and making an impressive backtracking run in the dying minutes to stop the Watford counter-attack.
Gray up front for Watford always impressed me when he was at Bournemouth, and he played well today too, finishing well for his goal and holding the ball up well.

An Uncertain Start

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It has been an awkward beginning to the season for Manchester United. A winning, if slightly shaky, start against Leicester gave us three points off the bat which was unpleasantly followed by two losses on the trot; a 3-2 embarrassment against Brighton and a 3-0 hammering by Spurs. The 2-0 victory over Burnley over the weekend gave the fans some hope and restored some of the faith in the players and the manager.

The two losses, to Brighton and Spurs respectively, were tough to watch. United seemed to be nervous in the back line for the whole of the Brighton game. The goals we scored were a penalty and a good piece of situational awareness by Lukaku, which gave some of us hope for the Tottenham game. That obviously didn’t pan out as he missed in front of an open goal after rounding Lloris brilliantly. The French goalkeeper was still absolutely steamin’ after he was caught drink driving. What a lout!
All jokes aside, the first half of the Tottenham game was OK. We attacked well and created opportunities, some of which should have been put away. That’s right, Rom, I’m talking about you again. Don’t @ me. However, within ten seconds of the restart, the defenders who had played so well in the first half, fell apart and allowed two easy goals past them. The third goal was painful to watch, especially as Moura eased past Smalling, who had played well by my estimations in the first half.
Following this loss, Twitter was abound with calls for Mourinho’s head and for Woodward to be burned alive at the stake.  Many fans wanted him gone immediately and for someone with a more attacking style of play to be instated. Others wanted all the fans’ total backing of the manager and the players. It was vintage Premier League era views on the value of a manager and how high his success rate should be.

As I just said, United fans seem to be divided into a, “Sack him now’, or a,”Back him until he’s sacked’, point of view. Neither option glows favourably on Mourinho and how he is pervceived by the fans. I would tend to agree with the second option. It is perfectly fine to want a new manager if the quality of football is declining and if the results are against us. However, it is a whole other thing to keep harping on about the manager when certain players aren’t pulling their weight or are in a slump. I do believe that Mourinho will be gone by the end of the season (as I don’t see us challenging for the top 3, especially if this level of play keeps up) but if he isn’t, and if the results are good enough that warrant him staying, then I won’t care. If he is gone and the results warrant him going then I’ll be delighted to welcome a new manager to the club, preferably one with an attacking style. I will not be happy if Mourinho is gone so early in the season because of outcry over the fans due to lack of spending in the transfer market; a transfer market that we trust Ed Woodward with, and who should be blamed.
Despite all this talk about Mourinho and whether he will have a job come the end of this year or the season, there have been some positives in the first four games.

  • Luke Shaw has been trememndous in the last three games for United. He has been bombing up and down the left wing, cutting in and getting the ball in dangerous areas, especially in the last two games. He seems to have responded well to Mourinho’s criticisms last year, and perhaps this success story will be what Mourinho needs to keep his job.
  • Andreas Pereira has had a solid opening to the season. I was delighted that he didn’t get loaned out, and the fact that he is with the Brazil sqaud for the International Break is testament to his prowess in the last few years.
  • Lukaku seems to have found his scoring boots in the last few games, even if he did forget them in the dressing room against Tottenham. Despite that glaring miss, I do hope he continues this run of scoring.
  • Alexis has continued to be the most creative player on the pitch. Even though he does frustrate me with how much he loses the ball, he is always trying to create something. He is a pleasure to watch and I think this will be the season where he starts to produce much more for us, especially with Champions League football back on the horizon.

It has been an uncertain start and it looks like it will get more confusing before we begin to see consistent results. That doesn’t bode well for José but it mightn’t do us fans any bad. We’re so used to success, trophies and accolades that perhaps another year in the wilderness of mediocrity will humble us before our inevitable rise to the top of English and world football. Before I start to go into a Third Reich style speech I will end this brief analysis of our season so far. Our next match is against Watford, who are also not to be taken lightly, especially seeing as they are joint top of the table! A bad result there could bring the Special One’s teetering empire toppling down.

It’s Back!

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Rejoice, one and all! The Premier League returns today with the evening game between Manchester United and Leicester City. This summer has been choc full of sporting action. The World Cup was a fantastic tournament as always and threw up plenty of surprises, while the new system for the All Ireland Senior Hurling Championship has given us some of the greatest battles in recent memory. However, when the hurling and the football are finished come September, we will not be facing any vacuum of sport as the Premier League will take its place on our T.V.s and, I daresay, in our hearts.

The hidden beauty of the World Cup is that it shields us from the rancid nature of the transfer window. I, personally, didn’t pay much attention to the window this year, opting to look to the wall until the sweat dropped down my balls. Ah, skeet skeet, motherfucker! Ah, skeet skeet, God Damn. The rumours I did pay attention to, though, I have jotted down here along with reasons as to why they will help or hinder their new team.



Arsenal’s new boss, Emery, has brought in a few meaningful signings. Lichsteiener arrived on a free from Juventus while Sokratis (I’m not typing his last name), from Dortmund, joined for an undisclosed fee. Lichsteiner enjoyed Switzerland’s decent run at this year’s World Cup and has been a solid performer for Juventus over the last couple of years. He and Sokratis will shore up the back line with Mertesacker retiring. Goalkeeper Bernd Leno, from Bayer Leverkusen, also signed as Cech, despite still performing well at this late stage in his career, will surely finish up or leave Arsenal in the next season or two. However, have ye seen the picture of Cech? What an absolute unit that man is.

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“Tell Stephen Hunt I just want to talk about what happened.”


Sean Dyche’s men are still unsure whether they will be playing European football this season. They have the second leg of their third qualifying round next Thursday against Istanbul Basaksehir. The tie is tensely poised at 0-0 on aggregate and with Burnley playing at home they will have to be on song to secure a place in Europe’s second-tier competition. They had a phenomenal season last season but unfortunately their first choice and second choice keepers are injured. Nick Pope, who was a star last season, was injured during Europa League qualifying against Aberdeen and will probably be out until Christmas.
Joe Hart has been drafted in on a two year deal from Man. City. Hart has had a torrid few years; losing favour at the Etihad after one too many blunders was followed up by loan spells at Torino and West Ham respectively, both of which ended with, let’s say, mixed reviews. Hart has been remembered at both clubs for his knack for misjudging the flight of the ball or rushing off his line when he doesn’t have the pace he once did. Perhaps Burnley’s defensive set up will help him regain some form.


Chelsea also have a new manager this year. Maurizio Sarri, who made Napoli serious contenders in Italy over the last three years, has brought in some exciting signings in the form of Jorginho, from Napoli, and Kovacic on loan from Real Madrid. Kepa, the new keeper from Athletic Bilbao, was bought to replace the loss of Thibaut Courtois, the gigantic Belgian, to Real Madrid. However, a part of me thinks that Sarri might be clinically insane, as he also bought Rob Green from Huddersfield. There is no doubt that Green is a good keeper, but at this extremely late stage in his career he must be pinching himself. Who can forget his gaffe against the U.S. in the 2010 World Cup?

A lot of keepers make mistakes in big games, including De Gea in this World Cup, but Green had also made many mistakes domestically. Perhaps he’ll be used in the F.A. Cup and he’ll shine. Who knows? I do. He won’t.


The Scousers played the most attractive football in the League last year. The partnership of Firmino, Mane and Salah was a a joy to behold as a football fan and a horror to witness as a Liverpool hater. Klopp is still at the helm and I can’t wait to see what mad antics he gets up to on the line this year. Every time his team comes close or is pinning the opposition defence down, he makes a face at the crowd as if his team is on a roll and he just won a free-in from the 21 in the All-Ireland final.
They’ve made some great signings this summer, most notably Fabinho from Monaco and Keita from Leipzig. However, I think their best signing will be Shaqiri, who spent the last few years languishing at Stoke. He proved he can do it on a rainy night in Stoke and he proved in the International Champions Cup over the last few weeks that he can do it anywhere, He’s a special talent for such a little, blocky man.
They also signed Alisson from Roma as Klopp finally realized that his keepers were shite. Although Liverpool did put seven goals past him against Roma last year. So…yeah. Best of luck ye pricks!

Man. City

Guardiola and the rest of the blue wankers have finally added Riyad Mahrez, 2016 Premier League Player of the Year, to their squad. See, I can’t even write as descriptively as I want when I’m talking about Man. City. Liverpool was a stretch and a half to write about but Man. City get nothing but hatred from me.
I know that United fans get a lot of slack for being from anywhere but Manchester. That is true. The brand has grown and enveloped the whole world. Some fans know that we have to hate City and that that game is the most important of the season, no matter the standings, but I’ve always hated City. Reading up about United when I was young, I found out that City and Denis Law, our former star striker, relegated us to the second division with a FUCKING BACK HEEL GOAL in 1974. I still remember reading that and just wanting to get sick. Then there was a period in the 2002/03 season, I believe, when City and Robbie Fowler beat us 4-1. Tough times. Dark times. But good for them, they got Mahrez. Shitheads.

Manchester United

The majority of United fans are angry and frustrated with the way the transfer window has gone this summer. After an initial increase in activity just before the World Cup it seemed that Woodward and Mourinho just put the feet up and went back to choosing which young stars to send out on loan.
Diogo Dalot signed from Porto. The young Portuguese national (Portuguesan?) has been praised by sports sites all over the web but I can guarantee you that only a small handful of them knew who he was before he signed for United. I didn’t. And I’m one of the feckin’ best! Hopefully he can be a good back up for Bailly, if the African is fit. Oh, God I hope so.

The marquee signing was of course Fred from Shaktar Donetsk. The Brazilian didn’t see any action during the World Cup but did look good in spots against Madrid in the International Champions Cup. He will be effective in the middle between Matic and Pogba, if Pogba doesn’t go to Barca. If he isn’t, just don’t @ me. How good was his announcement video, though?
The best bit of business that Mourinho did, however, was to keep Andreas Pereira at the club instead of sending him out on loan for the fiftieth time. He excelled in midfield during our friendly matches and just looks like a complete attacking midfielder. Here’s hoping he can deliver.


Wolves are going to finish in the top half of the table this season. They destroyed all in their path last year to comfortably win the Championship, with just a little help from Chinese owners, super agent Jorge Mendes and high calibre players such as Neves. They have added Moutinho and Rui Patricio from Portugal to their impressive squad, as well as Boly to shore up their back line and Afobe to continue scoring goals. I know that it takes time for new players to gel together but when one of those players, Patricio, is the starting goalie for the Portuguese national team, then you know he will fit in to any club. Watch this space.

It’t tough to know who will finish where this season but I can’t look past City as eventual winners for a second year in a row. Chelsea have added wisely to their squad so they will be in the top four. Liverpool have also added wisely but their ability to fall short is amazing and hilarious. Arsenal have not added enough firepower for my liking and will finish outside the top four. I would like to think that United will be in the top two again, and hopefully the gap will be closer this time. We will see. Anyways, get excited!



Sit down. It’s time we had the (transfer) talk.

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Ladies and gentlemen, step right this way. The Great Fellaini has one last trick up his sleeve. He has managed to trick one more big club into allegedly offering to pay for his services. A.C. Milan are reported to be set to strike a deal with Utd for the Belgian midfielder for three years. By God. Milan might not be the titans of football they were about a decade ago but you wouldn’t put them and Fele together in any scenario. Maybe in a sort of club swap parody of Wife Swap. It would be aired on E4 weekly and we’d get to see Fellaini’s shenanigans in the fashion capital of the world. Oh, the afro possibilities!

As a seasoned Manchester United fan I now approach the summer transfer window with disdain. Sure, I look at the rumours and say, ‘Jaysus he’d be good’, but I never actually believe. We’ve been linked with so many notable names over the years that it’s hard to pick the best/funniest one. A report went around last year we were going to sign Neymar for over $200 million. Fuck off. We were linked with Owen Hargreaves for so long that I initially didn’t believe he played for us until weeks into the season. Granted, I think I turned 13 that year and had just discovered that girls were a thing. Every summer the ‘Ronaldo Return’, articles start pouring out. I don’t even want him back anymore. Keep the world’s best player (don’t @ me, Messi fans).

Despite all the bullshit and the fact that the World Cup has yet to be played, there seems to be a positive lead, mixed in with a few transfers based on pure conjecture. Let’s take a look.

Fred – Shaktar Donetsk

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This Brazilian plies his trade in the Ukrainian league, making people take note of him in the Champions league this year and domestically with his skill and loping through balls. He turned 25 in March (what have I done with my time on this Earth?), and despite not scoring many goals he is a proven provider. It would be interesting to see him sitting in a midfield three of Pogba and Matic, providing Pogba pulls his socks up this season and performs the way he can and does/did for France and Juventus. Fred is only 5’7″, so will be dwarfed next to the two giants.
Apparently this is a done deal, according to Di Marzio on Twitter. Fred will cost 50 million Stirling, providing United get the deal done before he has a stormer of a World Cup. I’m more interested, personally, in the inevitable aggressive dynamic that will develop between the Brazilian and beloved club mascot, Fred the Red. Red Fred has a known violent temper, once coming to blows with Roy Keane over Fred’s performance on the sidelines at half time against Bolton in 2003. That’s the real reason Keano left the club. You heard it here never.

Malinkovic-Savic – Serbia

This is one of the bullshit deals I was talking about. Despite having a great domestic season in Italy and impressing all over the world, United have balked at the price tag associated with the Serbian. An initial bid was rejected and the price tag was set at 87.5 million pound (I have no pound symbol on my laptop so you’ll have to deal with me typing pound every once in a while. Pound pound pound pound). This fee is set to rise into 150 million territory if he has a good World Cup, which he  more than likely will, at least in the two games against Costa Rica and Switzerland in the group stages. Apparently United bid 100 mill in the last few days but Lazio are holding out for the big bucks. Ayyyyy, whaddreyagonnadoaboutihhhhh? Italians.
He scored 12 goals from midfield last season and has a proper footballer’s brain. I wouldn’t mind breaking the bank for this player but I’ll say it now: this deal won’t happen.

Bale – Madrid

This is my dream. This has been an ongoing saga for a few years too with nobody but United fans believing it could happen, me included. So it goes on this year too after Bale expressed displeasure about his lack of game time at the Bernabeu immediately after his immaculate overhead kick that put them in the lead against Liverpool in the Champions League final. According to all the Manchester based papers and fans he is coming to Old Trafford. Probably won’t happen but just imagine if he did. Oh what a sight that would be; Bale running down the wing, putting in a perfect cross for Lukaku to either mishit or bury past the keeper. He literally does one or the other, kinda funny.
I for one would go on the absolute tear around Woodlawn in the Bronx if Bale signed. I’d be dangerous. All we can do is believe this will happen.

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All jokes aside, the signing of Fred would bolster our title hopes next year, as would the signing of Savic, although I suspect the price tag will be a bit too high. We need two midfielders with the inevitable departure of Herrera and Mata in the next two years, as well as the possibility of Martial looking for first team action. The arrival of Bale could prove disastrous for the continued development of Lingard and with Lukaku back fully fit next season I don’t see a whole pile of game time for Rashford under Mourinho. I personally prefer Rashford up front but Mourinho blocked me on insta so I can’t slide into his DMs anymore. Cheeky.
We need a left back and a centre back. We need more confidence and clinical finishing. And we need to stop losing to newly promoted teams and teams fighting relegation, fucking hell.

It’s important to source your work, so I got most of these tips originally from the United Stand, on Twitter and Youtube. I double checked but they are solid and admit if they’re talking about speculative rumours or fact. Give them a follow and give David Amoyal on twitter a follow too, as he’s the English page for Di Marzio, who tweets solely in Italian. I found that out when I set his page to give me mobile alerts whenever he tweeted and I was rudely awoken to pages and pages of Italian at 4 in the afternoon (night shift).
Any United fans getting annoyed at the team’s progress, or lack thereof, remember it’s still early in the summer and we’ve got the world cup to look forward to. At the end of the day, we’re all just surfing through life (Paul Guerin, smoking fags outside Plassey 49, 2015).


Thank God that’s over!

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It has been a miserable few days in New York. Thunderstorms and lashing rain replaced the scorching weather we had in previous weeks. I missed the first ten minutes of today’s F.A. Cup final against Chelsea because two pubs were packed due to the rain. After the final whistle went I wished that I had stood on the corner of 6th ave., letting cars splash filthy New York rainwater onto me so I could come down with a debilitating flu and forget the past footballing year.

The first half went by in typical United-under-Mourinho fashion: play the ball around defence and midfield, defend wildly when attacked and possibly let the other team score. Then, and only then, will we attack. You fools! MUAHAHAHAHA. You’ve played right into our trap. Alternatively, and this only used rarely, United could score and park the bus for the rest of the match.
I am a typical bitter United supporter. If the result had gone the other way I would probably be writing an altogether different post. But the fact of the matter is, United played poorly today, the better team won and big players went missing and spurned great chances.

United sat back and the utter mismatch in pace between Hazard and Jones proved decisive. Jones’ clumsy tackle from behind could have been a red if he wasn’t adjudged to have played the ball, leading Michael Oliver to send Conte into fits of rage by awarding a yellow only. Hazard coolly sent De Gea the wrong way, his questionable man bun/ ponytail flapping in defeat. Chelsea could and should have been awarded an earlier penalty when Matic brought Rudiger down inside the box. Thank you again, Michael Oliver. Alexis Sanchez went down softly at the other end after he was pulled back by Moses. A scrappy first half was capped off by an abysmal, funny if you’re not a United fan, attempt at a shot by Rashford. Despite this, I went into the second half feeling optimistic that a rejuvenated United side would appear to win some silverware.


I was wrong. Yes, there was some chances and flashes of quality. The introduction of Martial and Lukaku in place of the disappointing, Russia bound duo of Rashford and Lingard gave some sense of focus and direction. It was too late. Sanchez kept running the ball into impossible areas and despite Pogba’s impressive use of the ball and distribution to the flanks, he spurned United’s best chance of the game. He missed a free header from three meters out. The header was so wide in fact that I thought it was a pass to the onrushing Phil Jones, the earlier villain of the piece.
After scoring the penalty in the first half, Chelsea sat back and defended for the rest. Online, United fans jeered and brandied about the ‘park the bus’ taunt that we have endured for the past two years. The bitter pill to swallow, and something I’m sure we all know, is that if the tables were turned and Rashford had sent Courtois the wrong way then we would have sat through United defending like that.

It’s hard not to feel pessimistic about United going forward into next season. This was the last chance for silverware. Finishing second was not much of an achievement when you realise that Manchester City had a 19-point gap as leaders. Liverpool are contesting the Champions League final, a game against Real Marid which they could just as easily lose or win. Forgetting these petty facts and looking at the real picture is important. Manchester United are still one of the top teams in the Premier League. The record against the top 6 this season wasn’t bad and a final appearance in the F.A. Cup is not to be laughed at. However, they are not a joy to watch anymore. Far from it. I wouldn’t be surprised to see Martial and Mata leave the side this summer. Why should they stand being used as last call reserves when they should be on that pitch from the start? Sanchez needs to buck up too and stop blaming officials for him losing the ball.

I had to leave the Storehouse Bar on 23rd st. straight after the match for work and was only drinking coffee due to being on the front desk for the next eight hours. But by God, do I wish I was sinking pints and throwing back whiskey.