Brain Fart

Lads…I had the biggest brainfart of my life this morning. I was driving down the road, going a slightly different route than I would normally take because I was picking someone up for work. Nevertheless, I have driven this road countless times in the past. In the recent past, mind. I passed under the One Eye Bridge, turned the bend and a car was stopped in the middle of the road. A truck was stopped on the other side of the road with a big line of traffic behind it. I wondered what they were all doing? How did so many cars break down at once??
As I indicated out and overtook these buffoons I locked eyes with the woman in the stationary car. Her eyes bored into mine with a mixture of confusion and anger. I mirrored her gaze. What wa she looking at? I indicated back in and continued on down the road, only concerned with making my way into town to pick up my co-worker. I noticed angry faces glowering at me as I slowly, mockingly rolled by them. It was only as I turned the next bend and faced the roundabout that I realised my monumental howler. To those people it looked like I was the meanest See You Next Tuesday in the world who flouted basic morality and road-formalities whenever I felt like it. Little did they know that all sense left my body and instead of seeing a woman letting a long line of traffic make its way from behind a parked truck, I saw people too indecisive to drive their cars and said I better drive myself or I’d be late. And you know what? I’d feckin’ do it again! Let them rot!*

Have you ever had a moment where you messed up like this? Have you ever wanted to let those people know that you’re actually not an asshole?; You’re just a little bit slow on the uptake in the mornings like me?

*I deeply apologise to all involved. Especially the woman who I fear might have her mouth permanently stuck like that after witnessing my jaw-dropping arrogance.

On the Dublin to Cork road in heavy rain – Poem

As soon as I turned onto the Cork road it began to rain.
Not just little droplets
But big, fat ones that spread out across the windshield,
Blurring my vision and causing me to slow down.

God forbid I go below 120 and stay safe on the road!
Especially when His Heavens have opened so magnificently above me.
I have places to go and people to see so I will
Break through Poseidon’s torrents and tear down the road.

Portlaoise, Mountrath and Cashel pass in the blink of an eye,
My old car flying by Audi’s, Corolla’s and other Renault’s indiscriminately.
On one stretch of road I weave in and out, meeting every car from Kilkenny, Tipp and Limerick, overtaking and letting mergers in, pulling in for faster cars,
All the while buffeted by watery bullets.

Towering trucks trundle along the highway,
Dangerous beasts flinging water from under their wheels to blind other drivers.
They use their large husks to rattle smaller vehicles as they dare overtake the mighty monsters,
Sometimes passing each other out at a rate of frayed knots.

Through a last toll and one last push to be at the top of the queue.
I roar along with my radio and my engine before coming to an abrupt stop.
Barely moving.
The open road closed behind me and the rain still pounding.

Afbeeldingsresultaat voor lord of the rings oliphaunts
Visual representation of me trying to overtake a lorry on the road this morning