Worn

It’s easy to forget how tired you become from feeling anxious and angry. Every fibre of your being seems to be weighed down by your thoughts and feelings. You wish you could just let go of some of the smaller things but once again, the more you push them down, the bigger they become. They join together to make one large thing. Suddenly, a helping hand in the kitchen or a simple misunderstanding with the delivery driver becomes cause to start thinking the worst of everything and everyone. You nearly start pulling at your hair, but at the last second you remember that your hairline is receding and you can’t afford to shave your head fully for fear it will never grow back the same (I may or may not be talking about myself).

Monday was one of the more stressful days of my life. I experienced such contrasting emotions and feelings that I was no longer just tired. I was worn. I received some lovely words and messages about the blog and then something miniscule happened that I blew completely out of proportion. It ruined most of my day until I went for a walk in the evening. Thinking back on it now, perhaps it was the fact that I had felt so good because of the praise for the blog and the podcast that I then felt so low because of a tiny thing.
Don’t get me wrong. I learned a long time ago not to place too much value directly into how many likes, views or shares I get. I truly appreciate them all, but if I only feel validated and good because of material clicks then how can I be happy at any other time? Also, why then do I let something small and done by someone else affect me so negatively? There has to be a middle ground.

I wish I had the answers. We all wish we had these answers. Fortunately, we don’t. If I knew exactly why I got so down about something so small without going on a personal journey to find out then I wouldn’t grow at all. The journey is what makes us who we are.
So many people watch Lord of the Rings and see the Eagles carry the Hobbits to safety after they destroy the One Ring and ask, “Ehhhhhh, why didn’t they just get the Eagles to bring them to Mordor in the first place?”. The answer to that is then it would be a very short book and probably a straight to D.V.D. release in the ’90s. The other answer is that Frodo, Sam and the rest of the Fellowship went on a journey and found out who they were and what they were made of. In saying that, I would probably be resentful of Gandalf for not even asking the Eagles about the possibility of taking them to the dark lands but hey, I wasn’t there.
The journey to better ourselves is the most important journey you will ever make, unless an old man gives you a golden ring and tells you to keep it secret. Keep it safe. The next time you find yourself getting angry over something, take a few deep breaths and try to assess the situation. Think of it as an important moment in a match you are playing or a show you are performing in.

• Why does this bother me so much?
• Why am I letting his/her actions affect me in this way?
• Am I possibly exaggerating the fallout from this?
• Can I take a few deep breaths, chill out for a while and come back to it again when I’ve had a rest?

These are some of the things I’ve started doing in the last few years. I’m not always successful, but the more you do it the more successful you will become. Next week I’ll write a little bit more about that and other things that help me through the day. For now, I just want to say that although I was worn on Monday, the rest of the week wasn’t as bad. The thing about being worn out is that your body and mind are telling you you need a rest. Switch off, throw on a mindless sitcom or reality t.v. show on Netflix and chill out. Have a few cups of decaffeinated tea and have a good sleep. The rest of the week might be OK.

I’m always here if anyone needs to talk. There’s a comment box below and my DMs are open.

Stay safe, guys and gals. Cian.